So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
