11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
