Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
