We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
