At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
