omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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