very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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