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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
