when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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