I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
