Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
