dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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