So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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