3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize