I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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