i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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