Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
