We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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