So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
