we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
