i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
