Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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