I think I won the penis lottery.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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