Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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