peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
