Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
