nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
