Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
