I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize