3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
