PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
