I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
