Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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