I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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