Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
