How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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