Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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