i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
