I cannot find my penis.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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