Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
