and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize