i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
