i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
