so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
