You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
