Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
