i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
