What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
