she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize