all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
