I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
