after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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