i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
