I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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