I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
