you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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