there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
