I think I just saw someone hide a body.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
