I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
