yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
