Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
