I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
