I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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