I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
