did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
