I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
