So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
