Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
