Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
