We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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