we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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