I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
