She said her name was "party"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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