and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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