i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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