Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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