so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
