a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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