That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
