another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
