the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
one might say we're banned from that church
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
