I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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