One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
