i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
