Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
