I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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