can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
