he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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