I looked at my own cervix.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
