Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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