I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
