I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
